วันพุธที่ 2 เมษายน พ.ศ. 2557

Love Is Not a Feeling, It Is Much More Than That - Love Is a Personality


This is such an interesting topic. Love, been a personality, but how? People feel love, express it, why then should we attribute it to personality? Let's find out!
It is not that Love can't or is not felt. But it is beyond that. Love is far more realistic than just a mere feeling. A feeling is something you experience personally through your mind or senses. Hence we humans feel hungry, feel sad, feel excited, feel scared, used, etc. But personality itself is defined according to the Oxford advanced Learners dictionary as various characters combined together to make an individual unique from others. How then is Love a personality?
Just as you feel hungry, when you eat, that feeling disappears. What about sadness? A person could be sad for various reasons, but if those reasons are to be checked and given solutions, such a feeling will disappear. So in general, feelings are usually temporal, they do not dwell in us 24 hours a day and 7 days in a week and continuously like that. Feelings are mere expressions of how situations affect us. If a guy is slapped on the cheek, his reaction or expression would be anger. So also, if a girl is deceived and used by a guy, she will feel contempt and sad over the guy. Is this how Love is? No wonder most people blame so many of their negative situations on Love. If they are heart broken, they blame it on Love, if they do not get the special treatment they feel they deserve, then its love's fault, in fact, if their love is not reciprocated, it is still Love's fault. Why is this so?
A guy once said that he cannot go for a girl until he feels love for her. Then I guess, he will live forever without having a woman of his Life. Love begins from a mutual feeling of the parties involved, and then comes the close attraction and if this attraction is there, a guy can dwell on this or build on it to enjoy Love. It will be very difficult for one to love another (romantically) from a distance. Whatever feelings the person has for the other, it is simply mere attraction, but as they get closer, know each other better and work things out together, Love will suddenly come naturally, even without both parties knowing. You can die for Love, just as you can die for anyone. You can work hard for Love, just as you can do the same for anyone. You can build on a feeling (attraction) to achieve love, and all these doings are only possible on a personality or person. Can we die for Hunger? No rather hunger can kill us. Can we die for fear or work so hard for fear? Of course No! No matter how we hate ourselves, we will never even think of working so hard for fear, but rather fear can make us work so hard to escape danger or whatever we fear. If we can see this as it is then Love itself is far more than a mere feeling.
There is a common saying which is: 'Lovers are fools'. This is absolutely true! It is due to the doings, activities and actions lovers take towards each other which make them seem foolish. These various actions put together is what make others surrounding them believe they are in Love. In fact, there are instances whereby people are in love and yet they still do not want to confess it. But the way they act towards each other can tell if truly they are in love or not. If this is the case, then Love is something which should be lasting, forever flowing. No wonder there are faithful couples who still celebrate 50 years of marriage. Why does it work out for them and doesn't work out for others?
The answer is simple! As we have defined personality as the various characters exhibited by an individual which makes him unique, so is Love. You don't just love a person and seat on the sofa staring at them. There are actions, characteristics you both would share which will keep you going in Love. And hence what may work out for Mr and Mrs A, may not work out for Mr and Mrs B. And for the fact Couple C are always engaging themselves in some specific romantic events to keep them going in Love does not mean couple D would have to use the same formula for theirs to work. In every couple, they need to work things out, find out for themselves what the ingredients are and are the basic and unique characteristics they need to share in order to maintain them for a long time. In as much as Love is something to be enjoyed, it is also like an institution whereby, you need to constantly learn, work well and give it your all in order to enjoy it to the fullest. Is there any feeling where you do such things or dedicate such energy?
From our context here, a situation where love is taken as a mere feeling, then it is already LUST! And that is why there are rampant break-ups between the young and divorce between the married. "This marriage isn't just working" is not a yardstick to file for a divorce. "I do not feel anything anymore"; "I am confused and I cannot think about us in the right manner. This is all about me and not your fault" are all not a reason to break-up, if truly we entered into such relationships with the hope to truly love. You, both can always work things out if you want to; you can always try to see how far it can go. Unless, if after such, nothing positive is coming forth or you are been taking advantage of. But the main point here is, if you were dumped by a loved one, it is not the fault of Love, but rather the human attitude. If you caught him cheating, it isn't because of Love or that you love him too much, NO! It is because he cheated on you and so you should blame it on the 'human-doing' and not Love. If she is not giving you the attention you deserve, despite your hard work and passion, you are not suffering this experience because you love her too much, NO! It is because she maybe is not ready for such commitment, so it is either you try to work it out or you know your stand with her and leave. Love itself is pure, truthful, kind, not boastful, helps in times of need, humble and many more positive attribute. Of course we cannot say such about anxiety or sadness or hunger. No wonder some great religious books define God as Love.
On a final note, this should serve as an encouragement for those who had experienced hurt. Do not blame it on Love. In as much as you would want to be precautious towards your next relationship, open your heart to Love. After all, if you close it, who is losing? You may end up putting yourself in the worst state ever. You close your heart to love, then what? You may end up been blind on the serious and worthy guys and then falling for a tough guy who will break the hardened heart. What if he causes what you most feared, what next? As for the few modest guys in this our contemporary world, who want to date girls in a sincere manner, waiting to fall in love before approaching a girl is not the best formula. In fact, it may work but it is far from the best formula. Feel free to ask a girl out when you begin having feelings for her.
When you are sure the attraction is genuine and sincere. Then if she says "YES" you can build on this wonderful feeling into the most mysterious phenomenon God has given us, which is called Love!
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Love is Not a Feeling


Love is Not a Feeling. What? You exclaim, of course, love is a feeling. I feel it in my chest, stomach and my body tingles sometimes. Yes, those are the physiological manifestations when one has the sensation of 'falling in love.'
Falling in love and love are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards genuine love. "Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others." -David R. Hawkins
Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to a person. If it is mutual and both people work at their relationship; one day that euphoric experience called, 'falling in love,' can grow into genuine love.
The falling in love phenomena is the call of one's longing to belong, to cathect, but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc., although one may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the person's appearance, with the way she/he walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some mystic illusion, ideal qualities and the more we get to know the person the less we fall for him or her. That's when the feeling of love disappears even faster than it appeared.
The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get; the less sharp, bright and exciting the falling in love experience is. Some couples continue their relationships and get married; some fall apart. It's reasonable to say that more clothes in the closet and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of the falling in love phase, but it also can be the beginning of genuine love.
The euphoric feelings we call 'love' is the emotion that accompanies the experience of cathecting. Cathecting is the process by which an object becomes important to a person. Once cathected, the object, often referred to as a 'love object' is invested with our energy as if it were a part of oneself, and this relationship between oneself and the invested object is called a cathexis. One's cathexis may be fleeting and momentary. Genuine love implies commitment and exercise of wisdom. When one is concerned for someone's spiritual and emotional growth, one knows that a lack of commitment is likely to be harmful and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for one to manifest one's concern effectively. The concern and commitment to another's spiritual and emotional growth is the purest form of love. It is for this reason that commitment is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship-friends, significant others, husband/wife.
Genuine love transcends the matter of cathexis. When love exists it does so with or without cathexis and with or without a loving feeling-those bursts of butterflies in the stomach, body tingling, etc.
It is easier-indeed, it is exhilarating-to love with cathexis and the euphoric feeling of love. However, it is possible to love without cathexis and without loving feelings, and it is in the fulfillment of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished from simple cathexis. Genuine love is volitional rather than euphorically emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of 'a decision to love.' This person has made a commitment to 'be loving,' whether or not the loving feelings are present.
It can be difficult and painful to search for evidence of love in one's actions, but because true love is an act of will that transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it can be said, "Love is as love does." Love and non-love, as good and evil, are objective and not purely subjective phenomena.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnosis Practitioner, Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life." Dr. Dorothy has the unique gift of connecting people with a broad range of profound principles that resonate in the deepest part of their being. She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one's daily thoughts and feelings. http://www.drdorothy.net


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วันอังคารที่ 1 เมษายน พ.ศ. 2557

Create Your Ideal Lifestyle


Lifestyle reflects our beliefs, attitudes, customs, behaviors, and values. A lifestyle can fill us with joy, keep us healthy, and allow us to become more successful. It can also contribute to illness or hold us back from the things we are capable of accomplishing.
Fortunately, we can choose actions and habits that keep us happy, healthy, and successful. We have that choice daily.
Maltbie Babcock summarized this very elegantly when she wrote, "A day dawns, quite like other days; in it, a single hour comes, quite like other hours; but in that day and in that hour the chance of a lifetime faces us."
That chance, however, presents a challenge. A familiar lifestyle is not easy to leave behind, even when negative habits or tolerations make it uncomfortable. Doug Firebaugh wisely said, "Something must die in order to grow - your old habits, your old self image, your old thinking, your old life... must be weeded out for the seeds of success to grow."
People want to be free from the consequences of their vices, but not necessarily from their vices. Many attempt changes that are too large to be realistic. Others try to change too many things at once. Old behaviors creep back very quickly.
For example, if it would burden you to carry out a new action on a regular basis, it is probably not a realistic change. Smaller changes carried out regularly more often lead to lasting change. Begin with one new action that can become a regular lifestyle behavior. Then look for tangible results from that change.
If you are not already living your ideal lifestyle, take time to think deeply about the following questions. Then write your answers in a journal. This exercise will help you create a clear picture of your ideal lifestyle. It will also help you to design a plan to begin creating the lifestyle that you want.
What is my current lifestyle?
How have my beliefs created that lifestyle?
What is my current lifestyle costing me?
If my lifestyle were to become ideal, what differences would I notice immediately in the major areas of my life?
For example, what would you be doing differently on a daily basis? What habits would you adopt, and what habits would you discard? Consider the changes you would notice in these areas: 
  • Relationships (Family and Career)
  • Home environment
  • Wellness and self-care
  • Energy level
  • Serenity and inner stillness
  • Finances
  • Rest and relaxation
  • Temperament
  • Happiness and contentment

How would I look and feel most of the time if I lived my ideal lifestyle?
What tolerations, habits of thought, and actions are limiting me from living my ideal lifestyle?
What would it require of me to remove those limitations?
What is the first thing in my current lifestyle that I would truly like to change or improve?
Am I willing to commit to the necessary changes in thought and action to live my ideal lifestyle, and if so, when will I begin to make the first change?
How will I feel when I have adopted new habits of thought and action?
What is one positive change I could comfortably make today?
This exercise will open your mind to the possibilities and options available to you for positive change. When you have a clear picture of your goal and the changes needed, you can begin moving forward toward a lifestyle that will bring you more success in all the important areas of your life.
These questions might lead to additional questions you will need to answer. You will need to evaluate your progress on a regular basis, make changes in your initial plan, and adjust your actions accordingly. A professional life strategies coach can also help you to expand these questions to a deeper level, find necessary answers, and design a plan to achieve the lifestyle you want.
Envision your ideal lifestyle. Determine necessary changes, and design a realistic plan to achieve your vision. Then make at least one small change in your thoughts and actions immediately. These suggestions will help you begin moving toward your ideal lifestyle today.
© Copyright 2006 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular ezine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting [http://www.achieveezine.com]


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Top 10 Healthy Lifestyle Tips

Living a healthy lifestyle doesn't have to be hard. It just takes the motivation to change our bad habits into good, healthy ones. Below is a list of 10 healthy lifestyle tips to get you started. Once you start, you can come up with more healthy choices that work for you.
o The first thing is to eat a balanced diet. Eat more fruits and vegetables and get rid of the high sugar, processed foods. Along with eating better is getting the right nutrients in the system.
o So the second thing is to take vitamins and minerals to help your body work properly.
o The third tip is to quit all those nasty unhealthy habits. Smoking, drinking, drugs, chewing tobacco, whatever your vice may be quit now. You are in charge of your health and living a healthier lifestyle means getting rid of the things that may kill you.
o The fourth thing to do is exercise. Exercise makes you feel good and can motivate you to get other things done as well.
o Along with exercise, number five is making sure you see a doctor each year for an annual physical. This is more important in women, but men should be seeing a doctor every 2-3 years to make sure there are no big health concerns.
o The sixth is to surround yourself with a strong support network, or a group of people who will be there for you and participate in a healthy lifestyle as well.
o Your family and friends can help you with the seventh tip, have fun and enjoy life.
o Eighth tip is to create a good balance between work and play.
o The final two tips are to accept yourself for the unique individual you are and love what you do. If you can accept yourself, the good and the bad, it will show in all you do. Your job is something you will be doing for at least the next 20 years, so you should love it. If you don't keep looking until you find something you do love.
Start with those healthy lifestyle choices and see how you feel in the next few weeks. You should feel more energized, motivated, and positive.
Ursula writes for healthylifestyle-wellbeing.com. She has a big interest in healthy lifestyle since she decided to change her life and improve her wellbeing. If you like to change your life and discover more about healthy lifestyle for your wellbeing [http://www.healthylifestyle-wellbeing.com/], start applying small changes today.